If you’re nice to me from now on, I’ll let you choose your own care home

My dad: Hi darling! We’re just driving back from the Hay Festival.

Me: Did you have a good time?

Dad: Yes – did mum tell you we saw Caitlin Moran?

Me: Yes, she texted me to let me know.

Dad: I spoke to her, you know.

Me: What?

Dad: Yes, I showed her your text!

Me: What?

Dad: Yes – she was delightfully crude.

Me: WHICH FUCKING TEXT DID YOU SHOW HER?

About Christina Kenny

Christina Kenny is a music journalist based in London.

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