So, my readership seems to have expanded a bit. I was initially at a loss to explain the 3000% increase in viewing figures, but I’m almost 4000% certain it has something to do with publishing on a Wednesday at 11 p.m.

In all seriousness, Caitlin Moran has done a very lovely thing by sending so many of her unusually witty and attractive Twitter followers to my blog, so thanks Caitlin. I still would like to be you when I grow up, please, although perhaps (and I know you may have problems with this) with bigger hair.

I haven’t been able to properly address all of your post comments yet, and I’m not sure I will today, as somehow I have this job to go to. Also, a concert in the evening. Hey, you should come! D For Dalrymple And Friends Sing Brit Choral Classics.

This weekend should provide a greater opportunity for blogging funtimes, so do join me then if you can. You should see on the right an option to sign up for email and RSS updates. I’ll post something on my Twatter, so if you follow me there you should get an update.

You can, of course, simply remain where you are and refresh the homepage every 30 seconds. This does seem to work for some people. Probably that creepy guy who finds this blog by googling ‘Dalrymple Underwear’.

The main point of this post is just to say a small hello to any new readers, and set down some ground rules.

1. Put the washing-up liquid on the sponge. If you pour it into the water with the tap off, it’s useless:  like sitting in the bath and waiting for the dirt to fall off. No. As I’ve outlined before, the trick is to put a small amount of liquid on the sponge, give a small thumbal massage, and proceed from there. It’s ok. You’re welcome.

2. Always hang up the bathmat.

3. Condiment consumption should be kept to an ABSOLUTE MINIMUM.

4. Creative swearing is encouraged.

5. Be nice. I think Jesus said that. Or Buddha. Possibly Santa. One of those guys, anyway.

I hope you enjoy reading the blog – see you soon!

Christina. Kiss kiss.