I’m just about to go and see my mother in hospital, and wondering if she’ll come up with anything as good as last January.
My mum: “Oh my god! Oh my god! You’re here!”
My mum: “That – WOMAN” (indicates nurse) “- told me you’d gone home. She said you abandoned me.”
Nurse: “I did not say that.”
Mum: “She is a horrible, HORRIBLE woman.”
Us (to nurse): “We are SO sorry.”
My mum: [fixes nurse with baleful death stare and maintains same for four hours]