The scene: a West London outlet of the chain Anthropologie.

Changing room assistant: Hi! How are you what’s your name?

Me: Er… what?

He (brandishing board pen): Oh, it’s just so we can write your name on the door of your cubicle!

Me: I’m only trying on these pyjama bottoms.

He: No, it’s fine – it’s just so we can if ask you need any help!

Me: OK.

* uncomfortable pause*

Me: My name is Bob.

He: Great! How are you spelling that?

Me (in spirit of inquiry): B. O. O. B?

He: Great! I’m Stuart. Give me a shout if you need anything. (Writes ‘Bob’ on cubicle door.)

…